I Love A Parade
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: Follow along with a parade for a school where fooling around is a requirement.


**This is part of a chapter from the book "Harlequin" soon to be available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and their affiliates. Here is a brief description.**

In a world where the tradition of a court jester never fell out of style Castle Joy is the premier school for all manner of jester, clown, and fool. It's expensive and every day is full of hard lessons, but should the students pass they are granted a license to do anything they want without consequence for their actions.

Dahlia, the daughter of a duke, never wanted to be a fool, but after she caused a small scandal her father disinherited her and forced her to enroll at Castle Joy. Shortly after attending though Dahlia learns that her lessons from her old life transfer remarkably well to the new one and soon she finds herself breezing through her classes, even though the school is encouraging her to break every rule and taboo she's ever known. Dahlia quickly begins to prank, fight, seduce, and joke her way to graduation in true foolish tradition.

But all is not fun and games. Plots are afoot both from inside the school and without. Some students will do anything for their license, including removing the competition and others seem to have plans for the school and Dahlia herself. Soon the question isn't whether she will graduate and become a complete fool, but whether she will live long enough to try.

 **I Love A Parade!**

 **By, Clayton Overstreet**

Shirley adjusted the red top hat Old Man Winter had given her, checking her reflection in the ball at the top of her stick. In the same hand as her stick she held the reigns of a horse with gold filigree on its saddle. Deciding that she looked good she turned and looked at the long line of the parade setting up. They were on a hill overlooking Clown Town, avoiding the forest and leading right down the main street. They were taking a long and circuitous walk through the town. Even from far away they could see that it was packed with people. After that the students and visiting fools would get a rest and over the next few days would go out one at a time to do their chosen bits for their judge.

Looking at the whole student body spread out before her Shirley kind of wished she had gotten to know more of them even though that would have been difficult. Most of them had been just as dedicated as she was. Castle Joy was expensive and demanding, even for the people not trying to become fools and the teachers took their jobs seriously, sort of. Tripping is easy. Tripping so that it looks funny and nobody gets hurt takes practice. Since Shirley had skipped the classes to teach herself she had not really had the chance to get to know anyone except at lunch or in her own dorm. Of course in her small group she had been the victim of pranks, attacked, framed for murder, and otherwise harassed quite a lot so keeping a small social circle was probably a good thing.

At the same time she still had that amazing feeling she did the first time she had seen most of the school in one place. Like she was in a strange world separate from everything else she had ever known. Only now she was part of it. There was an elephant with one clown on its back pulling a calliope being played by a gene spliced man-monkey in a saffron monk's rope. He was playing it with his feet while also playing a trumpet in his hands. A gorgeous girl in clown makeup and a shiny black rubber nose wore a belly dancer's veils and teamed up with another girl in almost the same costume who must have weighed three hundred pounds for all of being five foot three. A clown with a thick blue beard was helping a bear in a tutu ride a motorcycle while a black and white mime had a cheetah on a leash. A male dwarf dressed like a lumberjack with a cigar the size of his arm was on top of a giant ball, walking backwards and forwards to make it move. He almost bowled over a figure of indeterminate sex wearing a full body suit made out of rainbow colored feathers and a duck's bill who was talking to a giant plush blue bear. She caught glimpses of some of her friends, but they were so spread out in the crowd that talking to them would have been a problem.

There were a thousand stories from Castle Joy alone. Thinking of all the fools in the world Shirley wondered what it would be like to know all of their tales. Most really good stories started with what most people called a bad decision.

Clearing her throat Shirley flipped the hat off her head and held it in front of her face. She spoke into the top and pressing an almost imperceptible spot on the rim. "Listen up!" Her voice boomed out of the hat like a bullhorn. (A frog-horn? Bull-frog-horn?) Everyone stopped talking. "We're going in five minutes. Everyone get in your place. You look amazing and I'm proud to be here with all of you. Except possibly that fat green naked guy over there… dear gods man, put on a towel! There are children present and dying your stretch marks rainbow colors did not help. I swear if I weren't already super gay, you'd be turning me." There was a chuckle from the crowd and someone magically produced a towel sized handkerchief that the clown in question wore like a purple and yellow spotted toga.

"Better. Now before we go I just want to say that yes, there are some dangerous people among us. I've been told that there have been 'accidents' in parades in the past. I'd like to avoid that this year. So be aware that if I catch _anyone_ trying to attack, sabotage, or otherwise interfere with the parade I will be taking body parts from the perpetrator and I will be _keeping_ them. Especially if you try going after _me_. I'd like to say that the last guy who attacked me ended up with his ass in a sling because it would satisfy a narrative, but that's not true. Because I skinned it and made it into a hat for my girlfriend." There was laughter and cheers from the crowd. Also a few nervous glances. "You should also keep in mind that if you are trying to sneak up on someone else, that means you are not paying attention to who may be coming up on you.

"So instead of turning this into a murder spree or stampede, I hope we can just take this chance to show the world the kinds of fools you really are. There are hundreds of people down there. Men, women, and children who have come to see the clowns. To laugh and be amazed by the students of the greatest clown school on Earth. Are you going to disappoint them?"

"No!" They shouted back.

"Are you going to forget the skits, bits, and acts you've been working so hard on?"

"No!"

"Are you ready to make complete fools of yourselves?"

"Yes!"

"Then, hello! Here we are again!" As they cheered she flipped her hat around and put it back on her head, running her fingers along the rim and twirling her cane. Then Shirley jumped up onto the horse she had been provided and stood up on the saddle. She knew how to ride, but had not done so in over a year and knew that even trying to do it the normal way would result in a lot of muscle aches from unused physical positions. It was fortunate for her that riding normally was not a requirement. Further back she saw Jackie on a giant tricycle that rose out of the crowd, Buffalo Chips on another horse, and the bear on its motorcycle. Everyone else blended into the sea of rainbow faces and clothing like a mass of living chaos. Shirley raised her hand and then pointed forward, flicking the reigns and starting her horse forward as an even pace, leading her people like Moses into the sea of waiting people in the town below. "Let the show begin!"

Anyone who imagines that a parade composed entirely of clowns would bare any resemblance to military parades or the controlled chaos of Fat Tuesday would be horrified by the truth. It was not even as organized as a circus parade. As soon as they came within sight of the audience lining the street the line exploded like a firework. Some ran ahead, passing by Shirley and her horse like she was standing still. Others stopped where they were, taking advantage of the closest audience. A few kept going in the line because they were doing things like riding an elephant or simply because they were waiting for their own chance. One group further back was being pulled on a trailer by Giggle's truck while their band played as a prize for winning a battle of the bands contest, far enough back to not get mixed in with the calliope music.

At first Shirley thought she was being abandoned and wondered why, if this was going to happen, Old Man Winter had insisted that she "lead" the parade. It seemed pointless, especially after some of them ran down an alley only to appear further down so they could come up behind the crowd and surprise them. Then she began to see a pattern. As her horse continued to prance along the clowns moved with her, not in a line, but like satellites orbiting around a planet. It looked random, but as she went so went the clowns. Looking back she saw the line continue to explode out as it reached the crowd, but they kept moving forward, never stopping for longer than it took to tell a joke or do one trick. The ones that stayed in line like the elephant, the bear, and many others she had missed did keep in line and at her pace, the nearest clowns also keeping their place based on where they were.

Watching it all would have been impossible. It did not help that other clowns, citizens of Clown Town and others who had shown up for the festivities, were scattered around. Some were dancing and entertaining kids. Others were making money by selling balloons, snacks, and souvenirs. Off the main street there were booths and tents set up like a fairground. Games and art. Face painting. Simple balloon animals, nothing like what Shirley could make but good enough to please the kids.

The students were everywhere. Some were dancing with the people around them. Others were swinging off street posts or popping out of unexpected places only to rejoin the parade a little later. Still more had squirt guns and horns and even gooey confections that they used on the crowd. Not everyone was pleased to be the target, but those around them enjoyed it and the fools would be gone as quickly as they had appeared, leaving their victims impotent to retaliate.

Shirley began to get into the act, dancing and flipping in the horse's saddle. It did not scare. All the animals at the school were used to such things as well as loud noises and not panicking or attacking the other animals. A good thing too since some of the clowns and fools were starting to set off fireworks around them, loud bangs and lights flashing everywhere and scaring the humans. She stood on her hands, then one hand, before flipping back to her feet and casually twirling her stick. Then she hooked it to her belt and began to produce knives, one after the other, so that they seemed to appear out of nowhere as she juggled them. Soon she had a shining arc of fast moving blades in front of her and the crowd made sounds of approval, pointing her out. Then just as quickly the knives vanished until her hands were empty and she looked around as if she had somehow lost them in the crowd. People chuckled. Others looked nervously around incase she had somehow lost track of them.

Off to one side Shirley caught a creepy clown with sharp black teeth and claws poking out of his over sized white gloves approaching a group of scared looking children huddling against their mother. She pulled her whip and cracked it in one smooth motion by his ear. He jumped and turned to her, baring his teeth and hissing like an angry cat. Shirley shook her head and directed him to a group of nearby teenage girls. He looked like he was deciding if he was still angry, glancing at the terrified children. Then he nodded and veered off towards the teenagers, who squealed and screamed as he approached, but also smiled and stayed in place even as they cowered before him. He slashed at them with his claws and clicked his teeth like he was trying to bite them, before moving on.

There was no way she could stop all the clowns, scary or others, from harassing the crowd. It was a given. But as she rode on the kids gave her looks like she was a real hero who had vanquished a monster and the woman whose legs they had been clinging too shot her a grateful look. Shirley caught the eye of a woman dressed as a purple haired clown with an adorable smile on her face and tossed her a coin before nodding to the kids. She caught it and quickly moved to give the kids a balloon each. The children giggled and took them, forgetting all about the monster and Shirley.

Other people joined the parade for a while, melting out and then back into the crowd with help from the other clowns. Children were picked up and allowed to ride the elephant for a while then taken down and replaced with others. Sometimes a clown would lean in and tell them a joke or do a magic trick with cards or flowers. There were other jugglers and acrobats. Clowns jumped up and did flips or swung from railings. A few worked together to do stunts. Some were doing Parkour performing amazing stunts as they avoided obstacles on every level from the street to the rooftops. A couple had climbing lines and whips of their own, using them to hook onto things and swing over people. Further back she saw fools swallowing swords and fire. One spit a gout of flame ten feet straight into the air like a dragon. Another was spraying seltzer at people, taking joy in aiming at their phones or the pockets they kept their wallets in.

He dwarf she had noticed before had been zigzagging on his ball all over the street letting people laugh as he did a few antics. Then he vanished and Shirley was pretty sure she saw him disappear down an alley and hail a cab. Not that she could blame him. He had short legs and had been doing a lot. Keeping it up for the whole parade on that ball would have been hard even for her.

It amazed her how many people had shown up for the graduation ceremony. The streets and alleyways she could see off to the sides were packed. Overhead helicopters, cars and planes hovered and practically bristled with cameras. She saw more off to the sides and stands where announcers she could not hear spoke into microphones trying to describe the parade. A clown on stilts went up to one and reached out to shake the hand of one news anchor she recognized. Without thinking he took the proffered hand and got a shock from a hand buzzer. Shirley shook her head as she realized she would have once done the same thing with the same result. It was amazing how much she had grown up since then.

Still holding her whip she took her hat in hand and began doing tricks with both. The hat rolled along her arm and shoulders and legs. With her other hand she made the whip do tricks, forming hoops for her to jump through and cracking over the heads of clown and onlooker alike so that they would nearly jump from their skins. Passing a flower box outside town hall she plucked a tulip with the whip sending it flying into her hands, sniffed it, and then threw it to a beautiful girl she passed. When the girl caught it Shirley blew her a kiss and was rewarded by the girl smiling and blushing bright red, clasping it to her chest.

Shirley could not see any of her three girlfriends either in the crowd or the parade. She thought she had caught glimpses of her family and possibly a few friends from her old school, but the crowd sucked them away as soon as they appeared so fast that she could not be certain whether it was them or if her mind was just putting a familiar face on some stranger. Not that she could have stopped to say hello or anything. It just would have been nice to know they were there and that she was not having some kind of hallucination. Her mystical experiences had been helpful, but it had loosened her grip on what she had always thought was reality. Shirley was not at all sure if that was a good or bad thing yet.

The Naturals and the Geeks got the most attention when people realized that, whether they were born freaks or had made themselves that way, they were _real_. They were peppered back through the line and Shirley could not see even most of them but there were more than a few in sight. Self-made gene spliced monsters, people with machine parts, a nearly naked girl covered in tattoos that would have been very pretty if you ignored the beard. From a distance she almost looked like her skin was entirely blue. A mother covered her son's face as she noticed some of the more erotic and disturbing tattoos. Jackie popped out of the shove and flashed his breasts as the crowd, who were split between impressed and disturbed. Shirley had never seen them on display like that before and had to admit they were pretty decent. She wondered if Tits was doing her Jack-in-the-breasts trick and wished she could see the faces of the crowd if she did.

A group of clown doctors ran by, a dentist threatening people with tongs demanding that they open up to show him their teeth. Surgeons joined him waving prop saws and hammers. People ducked out of their way. Some were not fast enough and the doctors grabbed them, pretending that they were going to take limbs, using markers to draw lines to cut along. They were stopped and chased off by a clown in an old fashioned policeman's uniform shaking a nightstick only to go for more "patients" down the street.

Other things happened behind the scenes that the crowd was missing. There were a lot of royals and state officials from all over the United Kingdoms of America. Not just her relatives and the judges. Rumor was that even the current Emperor Washington had shown up. Shirley caught the occasional glimpse of them in the crowd along with dozens if not hundreds of bodyguards. She could not pick out all of them, but there were a lot of men and woman in dark suits and sunglasses. Some of them were busy.

Not all the rulers were popular with everyone. Shirley saw two or three people get tackled as they reached for something hidden under their clothes only to be dragged off kicking and screaming, mostly unheard over the music and the roar of the assembled people. Innocent or guilty, they were not taking any chances. Slightly more worrying was the group of three huddled over what looked like abandoned backpack. Opening it they began pulling out wires, cutting them with a pocket knife until they all suddenly relaxed in unison. Looking around cautiously they then scooped it up and ran, using their bodies to block the view of it from the crowd. People were too busy watching a skinny clown produce a pie from his oversized pants and throwing it into the face of a policeman in passing to notice. He took it well, easily wiping it off and smiling, but nobody but Shirley saw the three suits casually slip into a nearby alleyway.

Already on high alert Shirley caught sight of a clown on the other side of the street walking behind a motorized food cart. She heard him shouting, "Peanuts! Popcorn! Crackerjacks!" He did it over and over. Someone would buy a bag of one or the other and it all seemed normal, but something kept nagging at Shirley. He was not a student, but he seemed familiar. Shirley tried to remember where she had seen him before. Possibly on the street when she came into town?

Getting closer she was surprised to see how badly done his makeup was. Each clown and fool, as she well knew, had their own unique face carefully chosen and copyrighted. She had her red and black frog mask, but the ones who went with makeup took hours to get ready in the mornings. Even the ones that were made to look bad had a certain style and symmetry to them. Or lack of symmetry. In this case it was just sloppy and cheaply done. The makeup was a cheap kind already was dripping from sweat and smeared in places. Shirley could not imagine a professional clown or even a student going out like that, especially to something as obviously important as something like this.

Then she remembered where she had seen him… or at least his makeup… before. It was on a standard clown costume sold in shops. Based on some other famous clown from a while back it was just a white one piece suit with rainbow polka dots and an easy to draw face under a cone hat and a red wig. The makeup was not meant to last for long. It was a costume for parties and holidays, not working in the hot August sun.

She was proven right a moment later as the clown stopped, seeing a golden crown rising over the heads of people around it. Shirley did not see whoever owned it, but apparently the clown did because he stopped his cart and hit a button. A panel dropped open in front of him and he drew a silver revolver, his muscles tensing as he prepared to force his way through the crowd to his target. There were bodyguards visible around the crown through the moving heads, but they were all looking at the people around them for danger. Nobody had noticed the danger coming from the direction of the parade.

Shirley did not even think before acting. She lifted up her staff and touched the side of her mask, letting the dark lenses fall over her eyes. As soon as they were down she hit the hidden button and the top flashed brighter than the sun, blinding most of the people around her including the assassin.

He blinked repeatedly as Shirley's flash died down, trying to regain his sight. She knew for a fact that at the moment all he would see was blue like most everyone else around her. For a moment a frustrated look came to his face and it looked to her like he was going to try his luck blindly firing into the crowd. Since she had probably blinded the crown wearer too there was a good chance that would actually work. Or it would have, if one of Shirley's wickedly sharp knives had blossomed behind the shoulder blade of the arm he held the gun in sinking into his flesh as if it were paper.

He cried out and dropped the gun. The bodyguards, wearing their sunglasses which at a guess had all kinds of special electronics worked into them to keep their wearers from being blinded. The flash had attracted their attention and the screaming brought their view to the assassin. Easily moving through the blinded onlookers they scooped up the injured assassin and vanished back among the people as if they had never been there.

Shirley was really impressed when a moment later one of them returned. She was a tough looking blond. Reaching into her pocket she drew out a lipstick and used it to draw a red circle around her lips and then moved to her nose until the whole thing was red. She took the handles of the assassin's cart and started walking. "Peanuts! Popcorn! Crackerjacks!" Their sight finally returning by then a few people noticed the switch, but decided it was part of the show and a couple bought some of the snacks from her.

About a block later another bodyguard stepped onto the street and walked up to the horse. When he got there he handed Shirley her knife, clean of any blood. "With respect and the gratitude of his majesty Alonzo the third of Okalahoma. He thanks you for your service to the crown and would like you to know that if you may have any boon that he or his family can repay you with now or in the future. Your act of bravery in saving his life from the assassin will be recorded and you are to be honored as a national hero."

Shirley took the knife and nodded acceptance to the offer. Alonzo was not the best king she knew of and tended to be a bit heavy handed on tax collection as well as public executions, but she was not going to refuse a favor from a king. Since she had been disinherited by her father such things were harder to come by than when she had been the heir apparent to a duke. "Tell his majesty that I am happy to have helped and accept his offer in the spirit in which it was given." The man nodded and quickly walked away, scanning the people around him for more threats while Shirley made the knife disappear back where it came from.

The people around her were completely unaware of anything but the calliope music and the dancing of the fools.


End file.
